i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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