i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
