:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
