Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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