He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
