i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
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One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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