my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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