I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
