So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
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I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
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So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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