Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
