If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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