first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My feet surprised me
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
