and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
