Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
