the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
