if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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