I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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