it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
