dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Randomize
