So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
