he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
