and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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