forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
