Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
