Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
