piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
