i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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