Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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