I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Randomize
