You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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