I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He shit in the fireplace
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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