this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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