i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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