I want you more than these girls want KFC
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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