oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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