so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Let's paint friendship bongs
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You brought string cheese to the strip club
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
