I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
