You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
