This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
