She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
