sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
can u get pink eye on your cock?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
