I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
