They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
