My balls are so social today.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
