Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
