I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
