No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I look excited, but its just a facade.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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