That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
