It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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