What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
