Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize