All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
