i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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