your parents love me but you hate me
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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