One girl and one boy is just not enough.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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