if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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