apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
