I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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