like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
