My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
barbara walters just said penis...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We left the knife in your bed.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
