We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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