all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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