this beer tastes like vomit already
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
