oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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