wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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