On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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