Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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