nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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