Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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