There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
