Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
someone owes me an orgasm
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
