I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
