Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
