So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
