i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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