So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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