I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
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it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
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Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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