What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
