I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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