If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
