I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
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