guys are not supposed to queef...right?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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