yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
