Me too!
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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