My first STD was from a foam party
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
