Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
