Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
