Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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