If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
