whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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